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Things to Do in Connecticut: Get Gay Married

Aahh, autumn in New England.  There is so much beauty.  Take Connecticut for example.  Many of us outside of the Northeast think of it only as New York City’s suburb, but this charming little state has a lot to offer, and enjoys a special place in history.  For example, did you know the hamburger was invented there?  Did you know that Tom Sawyer and Huckleberry Finn were created in Mark Twain’s house in Hartford?  Did you know that his neighbor was Harriet Beecher Stowe, whose anti-slavery novel Uncle Tom’s Cabin broke new literary and social ground?  Did you know that you can now get gay-married in the Constitution State?

George W. Bush, that “Texas cowboy” who was actually born in Hartford, Connecticut, must be turning in his political grave.  CNN reports that the Connecticut Supreme Court ruled today that gay and lesbian couples have the right to get married.  That makes the Constitution State the third in the country to legalize gay marriage, after Massachusetts and California.  It was actually first to legalize civil unions in 2005.  In its ruling, the Connecticut Supreme Court said that equal protection means equal protection, whether the rights in question are for gays and lesbians or any other citizen:

“To decide otherwise would require us to apply one set of constitutional principles to gay persons and another to all others. The guarantee of equal protection under the law, and our obligation to uphold that command, forbids us from doing so. In accordance with these state constitutional requirements, same sex couples cannot be denied the freedom to marry.”

So go ahead, go leaf-watching.  You can get gay married while you’re there. You might even include the Connecticut state song, Yankee Doodle, in your ceremony.

Democratic National Convention Was Mission Accomplished

With all the media hype about a throw-down between Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton, you would have thought the Democratic National Convention was going to devolve into an episode of American Gladiators.  Yet despite the flames not only fanned, but in some cases actually lit by the media, the Democrats pulled off a masterpiece.  The cattiness of Hillary Clinton and her supporters the was supposed to provide the drama never materialized.  Clinton reminded any supporters who still resisted taking that chip off their shoulder were asked to consider if their support was about Hillary, or about a better future and an end to Republican mismanagement.  After awhile, the media’s endless drum beat for Hillary v. Obama began to ring very hollow.

One after another, speakers stood before delegates and made an arguably air-tight case for why Barack Obama is the better choice for the presidency.  Every weak, diversionary argument the Republicans have made were countered by an equal and opposite reality.  Efforts to paint Obama as elite were rebutted with stories of his modest life as a child of a single mother, going to college on scholarships and loans as many of us do.  Accusations of elitism began to crumble in the days leading up to the convention, when John McCain was unable to answer a question that most Americans would answer, “One,” or “None.”  McCain has no idea how many houses he owns.  So, who are we supposed to consider the elite candidate in this election?

The accusation that Obama does not have the experience to be president were met with reminders that the founder of the Republican Party, Abraham Lincoln, was elected President with roughly the same experience Obama has now–a stint in the Illinois state legislature and part of one term in Congress.  Bill Clinton reminded us that the same arguments were used against him when he first ran, accepting his party’s nomination when he was two years younger than Obama is today. Assumptions of a close election were answered by Al Gore, who stated the obvious that among young voters, most active in politics for the first time, Obama has a considerable advantage.

And in the Democrat’s grand finale, the acceptance speech in front of 80,000 in a football stadium, Obama’s speech was no less than perfection.  The “rock star” environment, often used as a slur by Republicans, was masterfully managed with the counterpoint of Obama’s humility, the added meat of the policy specifics that provided the substance many tried to paint as lacking, and point-by-point counterpoints for all the arguments the McCain camp has made against him.  Obama even bravely took on the hot button issues that have divided this country for more than a generation:  gun control, abortion, gay rights–he challenged virtually every issue that separates us with a call for compassion, community and common ground.  Tears welled up when he challenged homophobia head-on, in front of millions watching on TV and online, saying:

I know there are differences on same-sex marriage, but surely we can agree that our gay and lesbian brothrs and sisters deserve to visit the person they love in a hospital and live their lives free of discrimination…  This too is part of America’s promise - the promise of a democracy where we can find the strength and grace to bridge divides and unite in common effort.

Obama proved to be the master orator we had seen before, but not just for soaring rhetoric.  There was sizzle, and steak to energize the masses.  With an estimated 38 millioin watching on TV and 80,000 seeing history in person, Obama knocked it out of the park.  I woke up this morning with a hope hangover.  All  observers, no matter their politics, are giving Obama his due today.  It’s too bad Democrats didn’t take the opportunity for irony.  In addition to fireworks and streamers, there should have been a banner unfurled in Denver, reading: Mission Accomplished.

Ellen Gets Her Gay Wedding

After all these years, hope is lost.  It’s time to give up the fantasy of being Ellen Degeneres’ girlfriend.  Sorry, fellow Ellen admirers.  Ellen and Portia de Rossi got married — legally married — at their California home on Saturday. After all the attention Ellen endured in her pioneering, televised coming out, along with the ongoing ogling of her life, it was nice to hear that she and Portia decided on a private, intimate ceremony attended by less than 20 guests, according to People Magazine.

Ellen certainly deserved to keep this life milestone mostly out of the glare of the public spotlight. To be sure, there will be lots of media coverage of the couple’s nuptials. E! News has posted pictures and a video (watch it below).  She made the decision to announce her engagement to Portia on The Ellen Degeneres Show back in May and to talk about it regularly on the show, and at awards shows such as the Daytime Emmys. What choice did she have, really?  Ellen is the official unofficial lesbian mascot, constantly expected to represent us all, or so it would seem. But all things considered, it appears they were able to enjoy their wedding in relative privacy.  And by relative, I mean privacy in the context of the world’s most recognizable out lesbian.

It’s hard to overstate the impact Ellen has had on gay rights in this country.  She is a likable, positive, attractive person who has carried the lesbian banner with a great deal of style and grace — even when her coming out nearly destroyed her career.  The Ellen Show redeemed her, a huge success with legions of adoring fans, straight and gay.  Her sexuality is not front and center on the show, but she doesn’t try to pretend there’s not a lesbian in the room.  One of my all-time favorite Ellen Show moments was when First Lady Laura Bush and her just-married daughter Jenna appeared on the show earlier this year to promote their children’s book.  Talking to Jenna about the wedding, Ellen commented on the First Daughter’s ability to have a private wedding on the President’s Crawford, Texas ranch.  Ellen asked if she and Portia could have the ranch for their wedding.  Jenna immediately said yes, while her mother pursed her lips in an awkward smile.  That would have been something, wouldn’t it?

Ellen Degeneres deserves happiness and some semblance of privacy.  So congratulations to Ellen and Portia.  The only thing that could please me more was if I were in Portia’s shoes right now.

Californians Plan Their June Wedding Parties

It is near 5 p.m. here in Atlanta, meanwhile LGBT Californians have three more hours to wait before they can have the state’s permission to marry. According to a story by Reuters, some of the more gay-friendly cities (Los Angeles, San Francisco and West Hollywood) plan to begin issuing licenses and conducting state-condoned gay wedding ceremonies after the close of California business, when the Supreme Court ruling officially goes into effect.

One visible change to California marriage that I find somehow humurous, or at least subtly ironic, is a change to the state marriage license. Rather than referring to a bride and groom, the form now lists Party A and Party B. In my dark, dry humor, I find that change to be a benefit to everyone. Shouldn’t all weddings result in at least two parties?

I don’t mean to make light of such a significant step forward for gay rights. Most significant is California’s willingness to issue marriage licenses to citizens of any state, unlike Massachusetts, which legalized gay marriage only for queers who have a legal address in the commonwealth. For the first time, our rights as citizens is not limited by our sexual orientation or where we get our mail. It’s more of a giant leap for our kind, rather than Massachusetts’ somewhat smaller step. But I have to admit that I see both the forest and the trees in what the California Supreme Court has given the LGBT community.

I can’t help but notice the timing of the ruling. Why do court decisions on LGBT issues seem to always come in an election year? Is it coincidence or carefully crafted timing cooked up by the vast right wing conspiracy? Nothing lights a fire under a fundamentalist Christian’s self-righteousness like the chance to vote in judgment of others. Call me paranoid, but it makes me wonder if they’re disguising their intent to get us with a Trojan Horse for a wedding present. Is California just another gift that will ultimately have to be returned? Will there even be time to write the thank-you notes? There is, after all, a marriage amendment on the ballot for this November, where a simple majority of simple-minded Californians could revoke the marriage licenses that will be issued in the six months until then.

Maybe I’m just one conspiracy theory away from A Beautiful Mind. Maybe I should just soften my jaded defenses and find beauty in the moment. So I’ll stop and smell the roses as Parties A and Parties B pass by on their way down the isle. Congratulations, everyone!

LGBT Families Face MEGA Issues

I am on the mailing list for the MEGA Family Project, not because I currently have a partner and family in my life (I do not), but because I so admire the efforts of this important organization and want to keep up with their work. Born four years ago during the fight against the anti-gay marriage amendment in Georgia (the genesis of the name was “Marriage Equality Georgia”), MEGA has transformed itself post-amendment into an important voice and resource for LGBT families, in particular those with children. An e-mail to the MEGA list, penned by Executive Director Kathy Kelly, got my attention when it hit my inbox late last night. I was struck by the thoughtfulness and thoroughness of her words on the work yet left undone for LGBT families in Georgia (and in fact the nation, if not the world).

I wanted to post here some of Kelly’s thoughts, because I believe successfully meeting these needs is critical to advancing gay rights overall. Whether we currently find ourselves partnered with kids or not, issues affecting queer families affect all of us by association. Gay and lesbian family issues are, in a sense, examples of the discrimination and homophobia that impact the entire queer community. Ultimately, we all benefit from the work of MEGA, even if their focus on families with children doesn’t seem to apply to any one of use personally.

A rising tide lifts all boats. MEGA lifts us all through their work for acceptance, for equal rights and responsibilities under our laws, and for an end to hatred and fear. Here, then, are Kathy Kelly’s thoughts (very slightly edited by me for editorial consistency) on the state of her organization’s advocacy efforts, and her list of the 6 areas that she she sees as important for LGBT families:

“Some days, I am completely overwhelmed by the unmet needs we (in the LGBT community) are experiencing. There is so much that needs to be done for us to have strong families, healthy children, and to keep Georgia a place where LGBT families are treated well and continue to thrive.

I just came back from a national conference where many people are struggling with doing the very important work needed in the LGBT community, but I am in a very different place. I feel hopeful, optimistic, and downright joyful about the potential future for our families. We are on our way, we just need to continue doing the work to get our families to a strong, healthy place in history.

Below are some critical areas that currently receive only minimal attention from MEGA due to our limited financial resources:

1. Our kids need support through ongoing programs to help them face the certain discrimination and possible bullying they may face.
2. Parents need to be better armed to face a world designed for heterosexual families (from churches, to schools, to the playground).
3. Parents need to be educated about the best legal means available to protect their families given the current political landscape in Georgia.
4. LGBT adults coming out of heterosexual marriages with children need our support from what is often a difficult transition for both kids and adults.
5. Our children need us to be advocates at every school around the state that is not providing a positive, affirming environment for LGBT families.
6. Parents who haven’t been able to complete second parent adoptions are losing custody of their children as a result of relationship break-ups. This isn’t healthy for our kids and is extremely painful for the parents.

These issues are what keep me working every day to champion the cause of LGBT families.”

-Kathy Kelly, Executive Director

MEGA Family Project

Kelly and the MEGA Family Project sent the e-mail to appeal for support for the organization. In particular, MEGA offers an option for donating called the “MEGA Family Champion.” By becoming a Family Champion, supporters choose to make automatic monthly contributions to this non-profit organization. In addition to the tax-deductibility of your donation, becoming a MEGA Family champion also brings you special discounts and other benefits throughout the year. (The MEGA Family Project is a 501(c)3 organization with the Internal Revenue Service, so your donation is tax deductible to the extent allowed by law.) If you want to support MEGA but don’t feel comfortable with a monthly donation, you can make a one-time contribution here.

In addition to its advocacy efforts, MEGA holds monthly educational and social activities to strengthen the LGBT community of families. The organization is based in the Atlanta Metro, but works on advocacy issues and hosts social events throughout the state of Georgia. MEGA also maintains several different mailing lists where you can opt in to receive news and information on specific issues–including adoption, artificial insemination, and parenting, to name a few. And there are regional lists for communication among LGBT families in specific communities, including, for example a list for the Savannah area, Cobb County and North Fulton County. Thanks to Kathy Kelly, the MEGA Family Project staff and to Georgia’s LGBT families for their visibility and for the positive example they are. Because hate really is not a family value.